Understanding domestic abuse as a child or young person

• Physical Abuse: when someone hits, pushes, or hurts you physically.
• Sexual Abuse: when someone forces you to do something sexual that you don’t want to do. Sex and consent, Rape and sexual assault.
• Emotional Abuse: when someone says mean things, makes you feel bad about yourself, or tries to control your feelings.
• Verbal Abuse: when someone yells, calls you names, or says hurtful things.
• Digital Abuse: when someone uses technology, like texting or social media, to bully, harass, or control you.
• Control: when someone tries to control you by making you feel scared and powerless, often by limiting your choices.
• Stalking: when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared and powerless, such as bombarding you with messages and calls, watching and following you.

In a healthy relationship, you are equal partners where:

• Respect: Both people listen and value each other’s feelings and opinions.
• Trust: You feel safe and can rely on each other. You don’t feel the need to check up on each other constantly.
• Honesty: You tell the truth and are open about your thoughts and feelings.
• Support: You encourage each other to do your best and are there for each other during tough times.
• Fairness: You share things equally and make decisions together. No one person is in control.
• Kindness: You treat each other with care and are nice to each other, even when you disagree.
• Fun: You enjoy spending time together and make each other laugh. You have fun and feel happy when you’re together.

In an unhealthy relationship, you are still equal partners but:

• Disrespect: One person doesn’t listen, makes fun of, or belittles the other.
• Lack of Trust: You feel like you can’t rely on the other person, or they constantly check up on you.
• Dishonesty: One person lies or hides things from the other.
• Lack of Support: One person doesn’t help or encourage the other, or puts them down.
• Unfairness: One person makes all the decisions or takes more than their share. It feels one-sided.
• Meanness: One person is unkind, hurts the other person’s feelings, or is abusive.
• Unhappiness: You don’t enjoy spending time together and feel sad, stressed, or anxious.

Domestic abuse moves beyond the unhealthy, where you are no longer equal in the relationship. One person is controlling the other.

In an abusive relationship you might:

• Feeling Scared: feel scared of the person. That’s a sign something is wrong.
• Feeling Controlled: be told what to do, who to talk to, or what to wear. That’s not okay.
• Feeling Bad About Yourself: feel worthless or bad about yourself. That’s a problem.
• Being Hurt: be hurt physically or be made to feel unsafe. That’s abuse.
• Unpredictable Behaviour: experience sudden mood swings or explosive temper from the person. That’s abusive.

If you recognise that you are using abusive behaviours towards someone, you can get help.

Carry out a relationship check-up to help you think about your relationship with your partner: Relationship check-up

You might want to create a safety plan if you are worried about someone you know being hurt or abused at home, or if you are feeling unsafe in your relationship.

Making a safety plan
Building a Safety Plan for Teens

• In an emergency call 999.
• Tell them why you’re worried, and that you’re there for them, when they’re ready to talk.
• Let them make their own decisions.
• Share information about Childline.
• Encourage them speak to someone they trust, like a teacher.
• Share this safety plan / Building a Safety Plan for Teens with them.
• Visit Friends Can Tell for more advice.
• The Mental Health Friends handbook and Mental health support services are also available to provide support to young people.

Grooming is when someone builds your trust and makes a connection with you to get you to do something sexual or illegal. Grooming can happen to anyone, and it is never your fault – Grooming and online grooming.

Someone could be groomed by someone they know, by a stranger or by a person they met online. That person could be older, the same age, or even someone who’s in a position of authority over you, like a teacher or sports coach.

Because grooming involves using trust against people, it can be hard to recognise when it’s happening. Grooming techniques can be used to prepare you for sexual abuse, exploitation and radicalisation.

Child Sexual abuse is when someone is forced, pressured or tricked into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with another person. It could be online or in person, and it can happen to anyone – Sexual abuse.