Asking about domestic abuse
You might be the first person someone discloses their abuse to. Your response can help them know that they are not alone.
If you are worried about someone:
- Create a safe, private space to check in.
- Explain confidentiality.
- Give time for them to talk.
- Avoid victim blaming.
- Use active listening.
- Validate their feelings.
What can you ask?
- How safe do you feel?
- How are things at home?
- I noticed… how do you feel about that?
- Are you ever scared of…?
Confidentiality
Let the person know that what they tell you is private, but if you are concerned there is risk of significant harm you will share what is happening with the relevant professionals to increase their safety.
If the abuse is not high risk, you need to have the person’s consent to make a referral.
Responding to disclosure
If someone opens up to you:
Check if they are in immediate danger
Read more about Check if they are in immediate dangerDoes it feel like the situation could get heated or violent very soon? Is the abusive person close by? Is someone in immediate danger? Do you need support right away? If so, please call 999 now.
Assess the risk
Read more about Assess the riskWhat you do next will depend on the risk the abusive person poses. Complete a DASH Risk Assessment to understand the risk factors.
If you aren’t able to DASH be aware of these high risk factors to inform your professional judgement.
- extreme fear
- separation
- escalation
- strangulation
- stalking
- sexual abuse
- use of weapons
- pregnancy
- threats to kill
Tell them about specialist services
Read more about Tell them about specialist servicesNormalise talking to a professional for help. Abuse is complicated, and in Kent & Medway there are lots of options for support. This includes drop in sessions, support over the phone, safety improvements for your home and safe accommodation if they need to move.
Ask what they would you like to happen
Read more about Ask what they would you like to happenDon’t try to force them to leave the relationship or situation. If they are ready to take action, encourage them to seek support from a specialist service to make a safety plan before doing anything else.
Leaving an abusive situation increases the risk because the abusive person is losing control.
Discuss any immediate actions
Read more about Discuss any immediate actionsAsk the person what they are scared will happen and what they think the immediate risks are. Work together to make a safety plan.
Record and refer
Read more about Record and referRecord the disclosure and your assessment of the risk.
Make appropriate referrals i.e. specialist services, safeguarding & MARAC. Use the Kent and Medway Referral Pathway or service directory to find out more.
Where someone is at high risk of serious harm agencies are obligated to share safeguarding information by making a MARAC and IDVA referral. For those not at high risk you need consent to make a referral.
- If the disclosure impacts a child – follow your organisations children’s safeguarding protocol
Worried about a child – Kent safeguarding
Concerned about a child – Medway safeguarding
- If the disclosure impacts a vulnerable adult – follow your organisations adults safeguarding protocol
Hearing a disclosure
Hearing about someone’s abusive experiences can be upsetting and lead to vicarious trauma or compassion fatigue. Be aware of your own needs too.
Prioritise self care by taking breaks, utilising supervision and the support of your colleagues. Looking after yourself helps you look after others.
You don’t have to know all the answers. You can help them seek specialist support.