What is domestic abuse
Domestic abuse in the UK is defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading, and violent behaviour.
It can occur between partners, ex-partners, or family members, and includes various forms of abuse such as coercive control, physical, sexual, emotional / psychological, verbal and financial abuse. Harassment, stalking, online and digital can also be also forms of domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse is defined as happening between people who are 16 or older.
We also recognise that children and young people can experience abuse in their relationships at any age.
Perpetrating domestic abuse in any form is a crime.
The Domestic Abuse Act came into UK law in 2021, recognising that domestic abuse isn’t just physical.
Key developments included:
- Non-fatal strangulation as a criminal offence.
- Recognition that children are victims in their own right.
- Victims have the legal right to know if their current or ex-partner has any previous history of violence or abuse through a policy named ‘Clare’s Law’.
- The Act follows coercive control within an intimate or family relationship being made a criminal offence in 2015.
1 in 5
adults experience domestic abuse in their lifetime (ONS, 2024)
8 women a month
are killed by their current or ex-partner (ONS, 2024)
Types of domestic abuse
Love bombing
Read more about Love bombingA manipulative tactic where someone overwhelms another person with excessive affection to gain control early in a relationship.
Coercive control
Read more about Coercive controlWhen someone repeatedly makes you feel controlled, dependent, isolated and/or scared.
Physical abuse
Read more about Physical abuseWhen someone hits, pushes, or hurts you physically.
Sexual abuse
Read more about Sexual abuseWhen someone forces you to do something sexual that you don’t want to do.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Read more about Emotional or psychological abuseWhen someone says mean things, makes you feel bad about yourself, or tries to control how you feel.
Verbal abuse
Read more about Verbal abuseWhen someone yells, calls you names, or says hurtful things.
Economic/Financial abuse
Read more about Economic/Financial abuseWhen someone controls your money, like stopping you from having your own money, taking your money, not letting you buy things you need, or building up debt in your name.
Harassment and stalking
Read more about Harassment and stalkingWhen someone displays a pattern of fixated and obsessive behaviour towards you. The behaviour is repetitive, persistent and intrusive and causes you distress and fear.
Digital or online abuse
Read more about Digital or online abuseWhen someone uses technology, like texting or social media, to bully, harass, stalk or control you.
Honour-based abuse
Read more about Honour-based abuseWhen someone is harmed to protect the perceived honour of a family or community, often due to actions like being in a relationship outside the community or having sex before marriage. It can include forced marriage, forced abortion, pressure to move abroad, and restrictions on personal freedom. Find more information about honour-based abuse.
Forced marriage
Read more about Forced marriageWhere one or both individuals are made to marry without their free and full consent, often through pressure, threats, or coercion.
Female genital mutilation (FGM)
Read more about Female genital mutilation (FGM)When someone cuts or removes a female’s external genitalia (the labia and clitoris) for non-medical reasons. In the UK, it is a crime to perform FGM, or to take a woman or girl abroad to have FGM. See more at female genital mutilation, and National FGM Support Clinics.
Recognising the signs of domestic abuse
Recognising the signs of domestic abuse can be challenging, as they often start subtly and escalate over time.
1
Physical signs:
unexplained injuries, frequent bruises, black eyes, or wearing clothes that cover up injuries, even in hot weather.
2
Emotional signs:
low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or sudden personality changes in someone who was previously confident.
3
Behavioural signs:
isolation from friends and family, constantly checking in with their partner, or making excuses for their partner’s behaviour.
4
Controlling behaviour:
control of finances, monitoring of movements, or dictating what someone wears and who they see.
5
Fear:
seeming afraid of someone, avoiding certain topics, or appearing anxious about someone’s reactions.
If you or someone you know is experiencing these signs,
it’s important to seek help from trusted individuals or professional services.
Stages of change
Understanding the stages of change for people experiencing domestic abuse can be crucial for both victims and those supporting them.
These stages can help in recognising where someone might be in their journey towards leaving an abusive situation:
- Pre-contemplation: At this stage, the person may not yet recognise the abuse or may be in denial about how bad it is. They might not see the need for change.
- Contemplation: The person starts to acknowledge the abuse and begins to consider the possibility of change. They weigh the pros and cons of leaving the abusive relationship.
- Preparation: The individual begins to make plans to leave the abusive situation. This might involve seeking information, reaching out for support, or making practical arrangements.
- Action: The person takes concrete steps to leave the abusive relationship. This could involve moving out, seeking legal protection, or accessing support services. This is the most dangerous stage for the victim.
- Maintenance: After leaving, the individual works on maintaining their new, safer situation. This stage involves building a new life, healing from trauma, and managing any post separation abuse.
- Return: Unfortunately, people who are abusive will continue to use power and control which may result in a victim returning. This needs an empathic, non-judgmental supportive approach.
Support options
How we support adults
Find out what types of support are available so you can make an informed choice about your next step.
Get support near you
Asking for help isn’t easy, but our expert services can help keep you safe. Support in Kent and Medway is free and confidential.
Identifying domestic abuse
Learn about the types, signs and stages of abuse, a pattern of behaviour used to maintain power and control in a relationship.
Adults resource directory
Resources for people affected by abuse, practitioners and services to effectively identify, address and respond to domestic abuse.
Supporting children
Find information to help children and young people to understand what domestic abuse is, how it might affect them, and where they can find support.
Age-appropriate resources
Tools and age-appropriate resources to help practitioners identify, support, and safeguard children and young people affected by abuse.
Finding support near you
We know asking for help isn’t easy, but our expert services can help keep you safe and help you and your children process what has happened. Support in Kent and Medway is free and confidential.
She said no one would love me.
No one cares for me. I've got no friends because she'd isolated me from everyone. She isolated me for my mum and dad by saying, you can't go there, you can't see them.
Ethan