Planning to leave?
Leaving an abusive relationship is hard. Wherever you are on that journey – planning to stay for now, planning to go, already left, we’re by your side to support you, every step of the way. You deserve to feel safe.
Take a look at our suggestions on how you, or anyone in your household, can keep as safe as possible, to reduce your risk of harm.
Remember – you are not alone.
Take a look at our suggestions on how you, or anyone in your household, can keep as safe as possible, to reduce your risk of harm. Remember – you are not alone.
Safety whilst in an abusive relationship
You may not be able to leave your relationship right now, or want to, and that’s ok. The first step is telling someone that you trust and seeking specialist support from your local domestic abuse service to create a safety plan together.
Take a look at our advice about how to reduce risk and make yourself safer and more prepared.
Your safety plan is individual to you. Please remember that there could be unintended consequences if the abusive person were to discover the things you have planned.
In an emergency, call 999
Read more about In an emergency, call 999If you can’t speak, cough or tap the handset and press 55 – the police will know it’s an emergency – and teach any children how to call 999 and how to ask for help.
Tell someone you trust what is going on and plan a safe place
Read more about Tell someone you trust what is going on and plan a safe place- Tell a friend, colleague or trusted family member.
- Plan one or two safe places to go in case you need to leave suddenly, such as a friend/family member’s house or police station.
- Develop a code word to use with a trusted person in case of emergency along with an agreed plan of how to use it e.g. texting ‘Milk’ could mean ‘Call 999 I’m in danger’.
Practice how you would leave home safely
Read more about Practice how you would leave home safelyPrepare how you would get to your safe places. Rehearse an escape with any children or vulnerable people in case of an emergency.
Emergency phone access and contacts
Read more about Emergency phone access and contacts- Consider purchasing a pay-as-you-go phone and hiding it in case you need it in an emergency – if safe to do so.
- Memorise important emergency and support helpline numbers.
Prepare important items
Read more about Prepare important items- Make several copies of important papers such as financial, insurance, and benefits papers. Give a copy to a trusted person or leave them at work.
- Gather proof of your identity – driving license, passport, birth certificates and make copies of important documents and hide them to use in an emergency. Leave a spare set of car keys with a trusted person.
- Prepare a bag of essentials for yourself and family members (clothing, medicine, important documents, spare set of keys) and leave it with a trusted person in case you need to leave quickly.
- Carry emergency money on you in case you need it to escape.
Safety when planning to leave an abusive relationship
If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, we recommend planning this moment out and being prepared for the next steps.
Leaving is the most dangerous time, so creating a plan can increase your safety.
You can get in touch with a domestic abuse specialist service who can create a safety plan with you, and support you in fleeing to safety.
Things to consider:
Plan to leave at a time you know the abusive person will not be around ideally for some time. Plan where you will flee to and only tell very trusted people.
- Take your children or dependents with you.
- Otherwise it may be difficult to have them living with you in future.
- Inform their school/care giver of the situation, and make clear who will be collecting them in future.
- Try to take everything you will need with you
- Include any important documents relating to you and your dependents, as you may not be able to return later.
- Keep these in a secure place or with a trusted person.
- Have a bag of essential items packed.
- Including clothes, cash, spare phone, keys, medicine, documents and store it securely or with a friend or family member that knows the situation.
- Try to set aside a small amount of money.
- Or if you can, open a separate bank account.
- Carry emergency money on you so that you can use public transport / payphone immediately in an emergency.
- Secure your phone, social media and personal details.
- Change the privacy settings and location services on your phone, or change your number/phone.
- Change your passwords as soon as you have left.
- Consider any other internet connected devices; can they be found whilst you are planning to leave? Are you under surveillance?
- Save numbers that would cause suspicion as something else in your phone.
- Consider using Hollie Guard, a smartphone app that provides protection features like alert, evidence gathering, meeting timer.
Safety planning was a big thing for me and my son.
The domestic abuse service did a proper safety plan for him too.
Lilly
Cover your tracks
Click on the ‘Exit’ button on the right hand side of this website to quickly hide the page – it will direct you to the Google homepage.
