Practitioners

My teenage daughter wanted me to contact the police to do a Clare’s Law application, to see if he had a history of abuse. She had been taught about it in school and was adamant. I don’t think most people even know about it.

Laura is a 45-year old white British female with 3 children. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for 2 years. Laura’s abuse by her ex-intimate partner was gradual.

Laura experienced coercive control, financial and emotional abuse, stalking and harassment. Her perpetrator used tactics such as “love bombing” at the beginning, and throughout their relationship, played out through a cycle of abuse.

Laura had a very positive experience of using DVDS/Clare's Law, suggested by her teenage daughter, which revealed her ex-partner’s previous abusive history. This knowledge gave Laura the confidence to take him to court. Laura would recommend the benefits of Clare's Law to others. Laura’s story shows how coercive abuse can escalate, and how Clare’s Law can empower victim/survivors’ decisions.

Laura

Having professional curiosity and cultural intelligence will stop more women suffering because people will think, wait, I shouldn't judge this person.

Peace is a 49-year-old black British female with one child. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for 10 years. Her abuser “love-bombed” her from the start and they quickly started a relationship and moved in together. The
abuse began soon after, starting with psychological and emotional abuse, financial control, and isolation.

He was highly manipulative and controlling, monitoring her movements and restricting her contact with friends and family. The abuse escalated, and he became physically and sexually abusive, causing some serious injuries. Despite repeated attempts to seek help from the police, she was consistently dismissed and disbelieved due to racial biases and stereotypes.

The abuse continued for years, with her abuser stalking and harassing her even after she left him. Her abuser also used the police and social services to further the abuse by making false allegations in an attempt to control Peace. She endured unpleasant living conditions after leaving her abuser and struggled to find safe and stable housing. She faced significant financial hardship and felt she was denied support from various services because of their non-believing attitudes.

Her story highlights the systemic barriers and biases that many ethnic minority victims/survivors of domestic abuse can face and the need for culturally sensitive and trauma-informed support and services.

Peace

It doesn't have to be physical. Domestic abuse isn't just about bruises. I suffered financial and emotional abuse.

Ethan is a 40-year-old white British male with two children. He was in an abusive relationship with his now ex-partner for around 10 years. During this time, he endured emotional abuse, coercive control and economic abuse. His ex-partner also isolated him from friends and family, including his children, for a time and was sometimes physically abusive.

Despite reporting the abuse to social services, he faced dismissal and disbelief, with the social workers often siding with his ex-partner. The situation led him to become severely depressed and suicidal. After a long and arduous legal battle, with significant costs attached, he was able to obtain a divorce and is now in regular contact with his children.

With the support of local and national domestic abuse organisations, as well as support from family and friends, Ethan has been able to rebuild his life and advocate for other victims/survivors of domestic abuse, particularly men, who may face additional challenges in seeking help and support.

Ethan

He has made it known that basically he's going to be as obstructive as possible and of course now he's using the legal and the court system to continue his abuse.

Maeve-Rae is a 45-year-old white female with 4 children. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for 15 years. She experienced emotional, psychological and economic abuse, as well as coercive and controlling behaviours and numerous instances of infidelity.

Despite her efforts to make the relationship work, the abuse continued for many years and she became increasingly isolated and dependent on her abuser, feeling she had to change herself to please him. After the relationship ended, Maeve-Rae faced ongoing economic abuse from her ex-partner and attempts to manipulate the legal system to exert control.

Her story highlights the complex and sometimes subtle nature of domestic abuse. It emphasises the need for greater awareness and understanding of non-physical forms of abuse, as well as more comprehensive support services for child victims/survivors for which the abuse can have a significant impact.

Maeve-Rae

It goes on still now. He still has an element of control over my life via the children. The hardest part is now. He’s still very, very much in my life.

Jane is a 40-year-old white British female with three teenage sons. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner from the age of 18. During this time she experienced many types of abuse, including coercive control and emotional abuse, and at times, physical and sexual abuse, which have significantly impacted her life.

After leaving the relationship following a serious sexual assault, Jane went through a process of recovery by getting support through the Freedom programme and private counselling. However, she faces ongoing harassment and abuse from her ex-partner, who continues to insert himself into her life through the children and legal channels. Jane expressed frustration at the perceived lack of support available for those experiencing post-separation abuse.

She feels the legal systems and support services do not adequately address the prolonged abuse, leaving her to navigate the situation on her own. Despite this, she has worked to build a new life for herself and her children, though the lingering effects of the abuse remain challenging at times.

Jane

You have to feel ready to be able to get yourself help. The domestic abuse support service really helped me and my son through recovery.

Lilly is a 30-year-old white British female with a 12-year-old son. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for 10 years. During this time she experienced physical, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse.

Her current partner was instrumental in helping her to escape the abusive relationship. Lilly had to fight to regain custody of her child, who was wrongfully taken away and continues to deal with ongoing legal issues concerning her abuser. Lilly expressed some frustration with the police, feeling they lacked understanding of domestic abuse and explained the limitations of non-molestation orders.

The various support provided through the local domestic abuse support services has been effective in helping Lilly and her son recover from the abuse. Despite the challenges, Lilly is now in a much better place, feeling stronger than ever and willing to speak out about her experiences to help others.

Lilly

The day he told me to get rid of the pregnancy, I thought, I can't do this anymore. I took myself to the doctor and started the ball rolling for leaving. It was hard.

Karla is a 35-year-old white British female with a teenage son and daughter. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for three years. During this time she endured many types of abuse, including controlling behaviour, economic abuse and sexual abuse. When she became pregnant with her second child, her partner asked her to abort the baby, and she chose to leave him instead.

However, the abuse did not stop after they separated, as her ex-partner continued to stalk and harass her. Karla struggled to find safe and stable housing and felt she had a lack of support from various authorities, including the police.

Despite these difficulties, she eventually found help and support through a local domestic abuse service, which has been instrumental in rebuilding her confidence and helping her move forward with her life.

Karla

He stalked my house. Even though I had a non-molestation order in place, he broke that order three or four times.

Enola is a 33-year-old white British female with 4 children. She experienced abuse from her brother which started in her teenage years and continued through her adult life. She also endured two relationships with ex-intimate partners who were abusive. Her first partner isolated, controlled and stalked her. He was also violent towards her, even during pregnancy. Her second partner economically and sexually abused her.

Enola faced some challenges with housing services, the legal system and at times, unsupportive responses from family members. She found help and support from domestic abuse support services, which helped her gain emotional safety and education through their group work programmes and tailored long term counselling for sexual assault. Her children also benefited from support.

Her story highlights the long term, complex impact of domestic abuse and the importance of comprehensive specialised support services for victims/survivors.

Enola

There is a power imbalance where one person is at risk from the other person. I don't retaliate. It's not a fight, it's a one sided attack.

Katrina is a 45-year-old white British female with one child. She was in a relationship with her now ex-partner for around two years. The abuse started and gradually escalated when she became pregnant and began co-habiting with her ex-partner. He became increasingly controlling and aggressive and was also physically abusive.

Katrina continued to face abuse from her ex-partner after they separated, which included stalking and threats to kill. Despite attempts to get help from the police and social services, Katrina felt they were often dismissive or ineffective in their response. The court system failed to recognise the abuse, and she was ordered to attend mediation multiple times.

While the domestic abuse support services were in some ways helpful to Katrina, she feels they were limited in their ability to provide practical assistance, such as help with legal proceedings.

Katrina

The sexual abuse side needs to be spoken about more. People minimise what happens in relationships but abuse is not normal.

Kate is a 40-year old white British female with 1 child. She was in an abusive relationship with her now ex-intimate partner for 5 years. Kate experienced controlling behaviours, sexual abuse and coercion, and strangulation. Her perpetrator experienced suicide attempts which were used to coerce Kate into taking him back.

Kate had both good and bad experiences with the Police. There was social services involvement with the family following her perpetrator’s self-harm incidents, which Kate was arrested for. Kate used the DVDS “Clare’s Law” process to check her perpetrator’s history although this did not reveal anything. Kate’s child was impacted by the abuse and called the Police.

The general public observed incidents of violence against Kate and her property but no reports to the Police were made by them. Kate accessed a One Stop Shop and self-referred for help once she felt ready. Her perpetrator served 16 weeks for a lesser charge. Kate’s story shows how abuse is complex, systems can fail, and victim/survivor-led support is vital.

Kate